Address
Level 4, 84 Willis Street,
Wellington
PO Box 11-731
Manners Street
Wellington
Towards Healing
There are as many different ways of working towards healing as there are survivors, as women may use any combination of techniques, and often adapt techniques or create their own. Every woman must choose approaches that suit her individually. Some women find they can manage on their own, others may feel like they need some assistance. Either of which can be appropriate, depending on your own individual needs. Some examples of the more common ways of working towards healing are outlined below:
Counselling
Some women decide they would like counselling to help them sort through their issues, some women don't. It is completely up to you. If you do decide you would like to have counselling, it is important that you find a counsellor who is right for you, that you feel comfortable with, as this will influence how successful the counselling is. You have the right to shop around until you find the right counsellor. If you are unsure about how to find a counsellor, you can contact Wellington Independent Rape Crisis or and ask for names of counsellors who may be suitable.
You may want to ask some of the following questions when choosing a counsellor:
- Is she a member of a professional body, such as the New Zealand Association of Counsellors (NZAC). Membership of this body should ensure the counsellor has had adequate academic training and experience in counselling. It should also ensure she receives professional external supervision, and that she is accountable to this association for her work.
- Is she registered as an ACC approved counsellor. ACC also requires approved counsellors to have had adequate academic training and experience in counselling. If the counsellor is not registered as an ACC approved counsellor, you will not be able to claim from ACC for the costs of counselling.
- Has she had any specific training/experience in counselling survivors of rape or sexual abuse?
- How many sessions may be required?
- How long will each session last?
- How much will it cost?
- In which way does the counsellor work, i.e. the model the counsellor uses, for example, psychoanalytic, psychodrama, eclectic, etc.
- Is she accountable to anyone? If you are unhappy with the counselling you have received you may wish to make a complaint against the counsellor. You will be unable to do this if she has no accountability.
- Does she receive professional external supervision?
- What kind of records does she keep and will you be allowed to see them?
- What is her understanding of 'confidentiality'?
You have the right to see a counsellor who is of your own sexual orientation or culture. You have the right to go alone, or take someone with you if you want. You can also refuse any treatment or stop counselling at any time. If you are concerned about the counselling, you have the right to seek a second opinion.
Support Groups
Many women choose to become members of rape or sexual abuse survivors support groups as part of their healing. These groups can be beneficial in a number of ways. They can help you to see that you're not alone, that other people have experienced similar things as you, and that you're not going mad. You can share your experiences and learn from those of other women. They can also provide you with a network of people that you can get support from outside of the group setting.
If you're thinking about joining a support group, you may find it useful to ask some of the following questions:
- How long will the support group last? For many abuse survivors, trust is a big issue. Some women find they are just beginning to be able to trust the group enough to share things about themselves when the group is almost over.
- Is the group closed? Some groups remain open, i.e. new members can join at any time. This can change the whole feel of the group, and can make it feel like the group is beginning again every time someone new attends.
- Who is running the group? Usually there will be two facilitators. They should be trained and have experience in the rape and sexual abuse area.
- How often does the group meet and how long does each meeting last?
- How structured will the group be? In some groups, the facilitators will make meetings very structured. Other are less structured. While it is useful to have some structure, you may find you do not address the issues that you wanted to address in a completely structured group.
- What are the aims of the group? Some rape and sexual abuse survivor support groups are based on the 12-step model used by support groups of other kinds, often with the goal of getting survivor to forgive their abusers. We do not believe that survivors need to forgive their abusers in order to heal and do not recommend these types of support groups for rape and sexual abuse survivors.
Other Ways of Healing
As mentioned earlier, there is no "right" or "wrong" way to work towards healing from rape and sexual abuse. There are as many ways of healing as there are survivors, and it is up to you to decide what suits you. You may find writing down what happened to you to be useful, or talking to friends about it. You may want to ignore it for a while until you feel like you can cope a bit better. Some women take up different hobbies, forms of exercise or art as an outlet for their emotions. It is entirely up to you. You may feel like you've gotten stuck and are unsure what to do. This is normal too.
If you feel concerned about any aspect of how you're coping or feeling however, it is important that you tell someone, whether it's a friend or relative or contacting a local sexual abuse agency.